Listening to others is a skill that

Throughout my life I was trained how to speak—elocutions, public speaking, group discussions, debates, and so on. But I was never taught nor have I heard of someone learn “listening” formally.

One reason could be because speaking is tangible—unlike listening—it makes more noise, quite literally, thus attracts more attention as a skill.

But listening is as important as speaking is. It is an overlooked skill, both in personal and professional lives. As we shall see, it is one of the most important skills you need to master, and it also lays the foundation for other important skills too.

People are full of ideas, experiences, and emotions—they love to talk about them. And always look for others who can listen.

While most people are excellent in talking, only a few are good listeners. Hence there is a deficiency for listeners. So when people come across good listeners they value them.

Active listening is when you pay attention to every word the other person says, maintaining eye contact, nodding promptly to acknowledge that you’re listening, and asking specific doubts to ensure you fully understand them. When you do this to someone, the other person would certainly like you, even if it’s a stranger.

When you listen to someone, you give them your time and undivided attention—nothing can be more attractive than these two combined. And subconsciously they start trusting you and would open up more, even their personal stuff. The more the other person talks about their personal stuff, the more they trust you.

Be it family, friends, colleagues, customers, or strangers—actively listening to people is the quickest way to build trust.

Listening is not only done with your ears, but also with your eyes, mind, and your whole body.

Listening has been misunderstood that it’s just hearing to the words the other person utters, but it’s more than that. When a person talks, they give more non-verbal cues than verbal ones. The ups and downs in their voice, how fast or slow they talk, facial expressions, the way their hands move, and the entire body language.

Words only help us understand what the other person says, but combining it with non-verbal cues says what the other person is experiencing or feeling. That’s when you listen one hundred per cent. And you develop what is called empathy—you get into the shoes of the other person and understand the world as they experience it.

Active listening is the primary way to empathise with others and can help you in having better relationships. Also, empathy lays the foundation to develop emotional intelligence.

In short, emotional intelligence is the ability to clearly label emotions and deciding when to give importance to a particular emotion and when not to.

Listening plays a crucial role in developing emotional intelligence. When you actively listen to someone, you empathise with them and understand their emotions. And as you consciously practice this, you’ll be able to specifically identify their emotions — excited, anxious, furious, embarrassed, intimidated, etc.

Doing this for a period of time, you not only learn to identify other’s emotions but also yours. You’ll be able to clearly label an emotion when you experience it — the first part of emotional intelligence. And this is really important to decide whether the emotion needs attention or not — the second part.

Emotional Intelligence is the key to effective relationships, collaboration, teamwork, and leadership—some of the skills everyone should possess. And the good thing is you can start building emotional intelligence by becoming a better listener.

Have you ever actively listened to someone who completely disagrees with you? And not listening not for the sake of it, but with an intent to understand the other person? If you did, you probably are open-minded.

We often cut someone in the middle while they talk, especially if we disagree with them. It’s always tempting to shove our ideas on others, without even waiting to understand their world view. And our world view is in no way superior to others. At times the other person may not be right, but it’s ok to listen to them, you might learn something you were previously unaware of.

It’s not a coincidence that great leaders are great listeners. They know listening to others is one way to learn more and the fact that brilliant ideas can come from anyone. This makes them more open-minded—one of the reasons why they became great leaders in the first place.

Our worldviews are not always right—it will have gaps, inconsistencies, subjectivity, and crude assumptions. Only by actively listening to others we constantly expose ourselves to different ideas and beliefs—especially those that are different from ours—and thereby improving our own worldview.

You could have many “why didn’t I think of this?” moments and creative ideas when you listen to others. That’s when you realise you can learn from anyone and everyone, in other words, you become open-minded.

If you google “most important skills for the future,” you’ll find at least a million articles. And you’ll find these skills in most of them—empathy, emotional intelligence, collaboration, people management, effective communication, etc. Because these skills cannot be automated and need a human being to do it.

Listening has an important role to play in all these skills. And if you want to learn them, listening is the right place to start. Become a great listener and gain your edge in the future.

What is listening as a skill?

What is importance of listening skills?

What does listening to others mean?

What is the ability to listen to others?